Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ladies don't puke and tell
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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