my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize