after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
