GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize