complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Boobs are out for the taking
I think your dad took our porno
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
