Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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