Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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