I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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