From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
