I just made out with a guy for $7.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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