My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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