He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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