So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
