the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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