so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
