There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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