i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
