Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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