dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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