U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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