We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize