My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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