i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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