you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Are we still banned from the library?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
