would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
