I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
