Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
