he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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