i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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