No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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