end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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