How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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