she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
