Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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