Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
