If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I love you.
Bad choice
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