So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
