This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
