I understand why you refuse to be sober now
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize