We won't sleep together?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
