if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
