I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
