how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Someone came in the potted fern
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
