I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
