I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
if only i could text you this smell
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
