I faked an abortion last night.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
