where am i from again
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
