My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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