between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
