so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
