i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
