I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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