I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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