he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
