im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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