I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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