Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
