When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
