Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
