I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
