She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
we made out on top of his cat.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize