i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
cat food counts as protein by the way
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
