Midget sex pt 2 tonight
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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