the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
