you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
