i was born a porn star she said
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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