"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
