would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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