Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Every concussion has its silver lining
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
