I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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