What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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