how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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